Quick and Cheap Dinner Ideas for After Work

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Cooking during the week is a pain, especially when there are boxes in every corner of my abode. Twenty four days ago I moved into my own home.

Tonight was the third time I have cooked. If you’d like to start a log of what I’ve cooked it includes: a poor attempt at a fried egg, dried pasta with a jar of vodka sauce and chicken patties with sautéed veggies wrapped in a tortilla. Hardly gastronomic fare that would wow judges on any cooking show. I just remembered I also rode out bean tacos for one week. Continue reading Quick and Cheap Dinner Ideas for After Work

Valentine by default

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There they were.

Under the sink.

A whole box of them minding their own business. But I wasn’t.

I had gone out with her and mutual friends the night before, not planning to have a slumber party. There was only one issue, that night before was February 13th. We had two beers at her place before going to the bar and having a few more. One thing led to another and before the clock struck one she was passed out on her couch as her dog scowled at me.

Not having much experience with comatose women, I wasn’t sure what to do. Was she faking it? Did she legitimately pass out from 4 beers in a night? Was her dog interested in taking things to the next level?

So, I did what anyone would. I texted a few friends asking for advice. The think tank was split between my options.

I could have left and gone about my blissfully lonely life. That would have meant leaving her in an unlocked apartment in the city.

Or, I could have stayed the night. I hadn’t packed my jammies or sleepover essentials like contact solution. This is the plight of the myopic. Plus, I’m notoriously bad at sleeping in other people’s homes.

Should I stay or should I go?

With her slumped in the middle of the couch, there wasn’t enough room for us both to pass out there. That left only one other place to sleep. Her bed. I can’t say I’ve slept in many women’s beds, but when I did, they weren’t in them.

I put a blanket over her and turned off the tv before retiring to her bedroom. The drinks started their assault on my digestive system. I may not like sleeping at people’s places, but my bowels sure fancy foreign toilets. At this point, I was sitting on her toilet questioning my life choices. I reached for toilet paper and discovered there were four squares left, one of which was coated in glue. This is when I reached over to the sink vanity in search of another roll. Had I left, I wouldn’t have seen what was under the sink.

On the outside of the large pink box was a picture and the text “First Response Pregnancy Test.” Realizing I couldn’t wipe my ass with those, I found a roll of TP.

My paranoid mind started to wander. Why would you need the economy box? The next 10 minutes were excruciating. What had I gotten myself into? How did I end up here?

Then, I looked down at the stick and saw that I was not pregnant.

With the ebullience of a man finding out he’s not the father on Maury, I got into her bed with her dog and fell asleep.

I woke up early the next morning and ran to the grocery. Selfishly, I was hungry and she didn’t have food. I grabbed a pack of bagels and two roses. One for her and one for her unborn. Returning to her apartment, she had woken up and changed into pajamas. I gave her the flowers, we had a bagel and I wished her a happy Valentine’s Day before I went on my way.

Wonton Wednesday

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If at first you try to make Taco-Tons and don’t succeed, try, try again.

In honor of Taco Tuesday, I attempted to make these last night after the gym. In my haste, I tried using corn tortillas as the wrapper. There’s only one problem dear taco-loving friends: Corn tortillas aren’t flexible, even if you heat them.

Tonight was Attempt 2 at the fusion masterpiece that is taco filling in a wonton wrapper. A brewery by my office deserves credit for the idea. They had an item called “Titan’s Toothpicks,” which I admit is catchier than Taco-Tons. Their creation was a variant on taquitos with meat, corn, salsa and cheese inside the fried cylinders.

20140423-200338.jpgI made turkey tacos with black beans, avocado and kale Monday night. I’ll post photos and a recap on how to make your own in the coming week.

Re-imagining ways to eat existing food is necessary for any person living solo.

If you cook a big meal, you’ll likely grow tired of eating it for multiple days. Turning grilled chicken into a healthy salad or a wrap adds longevity to your leftovers.

Wonton Wednesday should quickly become a thing. After my Egg Roll exploration, I’ve got the rolling process down and a pontoon-load of extra wrappers. You’ll need an egg to seal the Tons closed. Tonight I used the wonton wrappers instead of their larger sibling used for egg rolls. Subsequently, you can’t put much food in each wrapper.

Nevertheless, start thinking of foods you’d like fried inside some crispy dough. These would be great for parties. They are a bit labor intensive, but worth it in the end.

3 Things I Learned Tonight:

  1. The process is quick. Each side cooks for 30 seconds tops.
  2. Oil is hot. Splattering oil hurts.
  3. Have something to dip the Taco-Tons in, like salsa verde, sour cream or maybe some queso dip.

And you may as well fry up the egg used to seal the wrappers. Every bro needs his protein.

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Will Eating This Kill Me?

Eat by Date

One of my favorite games to play is “Is this still good?” with food in my fridge. Normally, I stick to a one-week cycle. That’s only for whether or not I eat the food. Oftentimes it stays in the fridge for more than a week. But most meats/leftovers are good for 4-5 days.

This site was promoted on Thrillist. Eat by Date is easily searchable for whatever is lurking in your ice box. They advise that guac only lasts 1-2 days in the fridge. I’d argue it only lasts 1-2 minutes before I devour it.

So before you gamble on those eggs for your breakfast, consult the site.

Confessions of a Carbivore – A Day Without Carbs

“Is there anything you don’t eat on a tortilla?” a friend commented on a recent food pic.

Looking through my food-heavy feed on instagram I realized the common theme: tortillas and carbs.

I recall learning about the food pyramid but my journalism background may have led me to invert it and consume an ungodly amount of carbs and whole grains. Thankfully my Italian metabolism destroys them like pac-man chomps ghouls.

Previously, I claimed there were only three things preventing me from being the next Bachelor:

  • larger pecs
  • abs
  • being a douche

Continue reading Confessions of a Carbivore – A Day Without Carbs

Hangover Breakfast Ideas When You Can’t Even

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No matter how many times I go out and drink to the wee smalls, I often neglect to get that fourth meal to absorb that devil juice that makes me talk to random people at bars. This often leads to massive starvation when I wake up wondering just how many lemmings are hammering away inside my head.

After taking my morning after pill (Tylenol), I make some cereal to feed the whiskey beast in my stomach. Then I find it best to go slumber for a spell. Today I worked on an egg variation including hot italian sausage, red and bell peppers. Eggs are fantastic for their versatility. You can put almost anything in eggs. Anything. Even Tylenol.

For this hangover breakfast creation, I browned the sausage, red onion and peppers for about 5-6 minutes. Dumped it onto a plate once it was done. Then melted butter in my skillet. Once the butter was bubbling, I poured in two fork-beaten eggs. After moving the eggs around with a wooden spoon and allowing the runny egg into the created crevices, I added the sausage mixture back in, then folded the egg on top of itself.

Turn your phone off. Make some toast. Eat. Go back to sleep swearing off alcohol.